This is a surprisingly worthwhile video of a very impressive Hot Wheels track built with a waterpark theme, complete with waterfalls and sections where the car is actually floating like it’s in a log flume ride. Did I hold my hands up the whole time, even for the big drop at the end? You bet your soaking wet ass I did, I’m a tough guy. “He curled up into a ball and tried to spoon as deep into my cubby as he could.” Honey! “What?” I have a reputation to uphold here. “Most of these people think you’re a wimp and a liar.” But for the one person who doesn’t — that’s the person I write for. I bet it’s my mom.

This is a computer simulation of a pallet of wood being dropped on a car to visually compare the effect of gravity on different planets in our solar system. Is it accurate? Hell if I know. It was fun to watch though. And if it is accurate, I actually learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that somebody should really hire Uranus to crush cars at the junkyard.

Keep going for the video, which ends with the sun, which looks like it would be hard to stand on.

This is a video of an unknown ‘Arena Fighting’ MMA fighter delivering a bouquet of flowers alongside a failed head kick to his opponent during a pre-fight press conference. Why? Who knows, maybe he’s already taken one too many blows to his own head and thought this was the fight. Or maybe he’s roid-raging. Or maybe his opponent is dating his mom and left a bunch of condom wrappers littered around the house — the possibilities are practically endless.

#popMMA pic.twitter.com/3FK5wxD0lF

— Matysek (@Matysek88) March 9, 2022

This is a video of a flamboyant cuttlefish (like that’s what it’s actually called, not because I think it’s doing jazz hands all the time) demonstrating its hypnotic color and pattern-changing abilities (the screencap doesn’t do it justice) while trying to signal the mothership to beam it up and return it to its home planet. Or maybe it’s trying to attract a mate, I don’t know. What do I look like, a marine biologist? No, I’m a human biologist. Oh — yes, that’s your penis. An exceptionally large specimen too! (you’re welcome, now show this to all your friends and Venmo me $5)

This is a video of a man attempting to ride a kid’s slide that can only be described as completely unsafe for adults (and possibly children as well — I’m pretty sure slides are supposed to have such jagged turns and rip a piece of your coat off on the way down). Maybe he was carrying more momentum into those turns than a child would have, I don’t know. We should probably send a few kids down to test it. Preferably my neighbor’s. STOP PLAYING TAG IN MY FLOWER BEDS.

Whoever designed this slide must have really hated children pic.twitter.com/yVnbWTwxum

— Antisocial_butterfly (@_butterf1y_) February 3, 2021

Thanks again to JustA, who agrees that’s certainly one way to rip an arm off your coat.

Five college friends in Arizona launched a GoPro into space via weather balloon from the rim of the Grand Canyon, planning to track its location when it returned to earth via an attached phone’s GPS. Unfortunately, at some point during its 1 hour 38 minute trip to an altitude of 98,664 feet into the stratosphere, it lost its connection to cell towers (note to self: don’t try to order a pizza from space) and never regained it. The students were left wondering if they’d ever get to see their precious space footage. Fast forward to two years later when a hiker found the camera about 50 miles from the original launch site. Happy endings! This is the footage of the flight, complete with some stunning shots of the Grand Canyon and surrounding area. You know, it really made me want to go visit the Grand Canyon. And, if I’m completely honest, try to launch over it on a skateboard.

Thanks to Joe Soap, who