This is a video of Australian magpies R2-D2, Baldy, and Mrs. R2 singing to produce what can only be described as a terrible sound. It’s like electronic distortion. When they sing individually they actually sound pleasant, but when they get the whole band together it’s just a cacophony. That said, I’ve gone to see friends’ bands that were ten times worse. I’m actually supposed to go see one this weekend, and I’ve been begging sniffling coworkers to cough in my mouth all morning so I get sick and can’t make it.

This is a video demonstration of artist Ace Philip José Galit (aka boomshadowace) and his magic fingers, which he can pretty much turn into anything in shadow form with some very basic accessories like cut paper. In the clip, he makes Beyonce dance to ‘Single Ladies,’ Michael Jackson moonwalk to ‘Billy Jean,’ and faces sing and morph into other characters. That’s cool, but nobody is better at the detachable thumb trick than me. I’ve heard grown adults actually gasp before. If I’d added some ketchup they probably would have fainted!

Be sure to scroll to scroll through the different videos in the Instagram embed.

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Thanks to JustA, who knows what I like, and I like magic fingers.

This is some dashcam footage from police in Excelsior Springs, Missouri, who found a man towing a 70-foot mobile home on Thanksgiving night, swerving all over the road. Suspecting the man was drunk, a chase resulted, with the man trying to make a run for it TOWING A 70-FOOT MOBILE HOME. Eventually, the man got stuck in a ditch because the mobile home wasn’t that mobile, and was taken into custody. And while I can never condone drunk driving, this man’s stupidity almost has to be applauded for the attempted run away. I wonder what he was doing 1,200 miles from Florida in the first place. I mean besides moving his mobile meth lab.

This is a clip of the painted eyeballs being applied to dolls during a multi-step process at a toy factory in Adana, Turkey. They start with a base of white (sclera), then add a ring of blue iris before completing the look with black pupil and eyelash on the side. Is that where eyelashes belong? Hey, I’m not here to question, I’m here to figure out how I can start mass producing voodoo dolls. I…have a lot of enemies that deserve to suffer.

This is a video from Mark Rober of his brief pet octopus Sashimi making her way through an increasingly difficult 9-part obstacle course/maze in order to reach the vault at its center, containing all her favorite shrimpy food. Octopuses not only have a central brain, but 2/3s of their neurons are in their legs, the equivalent of having 8 independent mini brains, making them “as incomprehensible as alien intelligence to us.” See? I knew they were aliens! Sashimi has to rely on her agility and intelligence to make her way through the obstacle course, which she passes with flying colors before Mark returns her to the beach where she was originally found. Happy endings! And thankfully not an 8-tentacled hentai happy ending like you were probably hoping for, pervert.

This is a comparison video from Red Side (previously), this time comparing the top speeds of various species of birds (whether walking or running). It begins with the slow 2.4MPH march of the penguin, and works its way all the way up to 242MPH dive of the peregrine falcon. Damn, 242MPH?! That’s fast. The penguin’s 2.4MPH is much more my speed, but if I do have to be reborn a bird I still don’t want to be a penguin because I hate the cold. “You’d be a dodo.” Yes! Or a booby.