This is a video of 5-year old Parker doing some snow plowing thanks to a Power Wheels Chevy Silverado modified by his dad. Must be nice. For reference, when I was Parker’s age my parents would lock me out of the house with a shovel (for digging holes, not even a snow shovel) and not let me back inside until the entire driveway was shoveled, and it was a quarter-mile long. You ever had to build and sleep in an igloo to prevent freezing to death at night? Because I have. “He grew up in Alabama, we rarely even had any snow.” Dad! “What?” I was trying to get these people to throw me a pity party. Please tell me somebody at least brought noisemakers and cake.

Thanks again to MSA, who informed me Parker here did a better job than the company her development hired.

This is a video from Playboy of bartenders discussing the worst songs to hear on the jukebox at a bar. Almost all agree that Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin” and Chumbawamba’s ‘Tubthumping’ are the absolute worst, with others making the list being anything from the Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Boston, and Creedence Clearwater Revival, and specific songs ‘Free Bird,’ ‘Sweet Home Alabama,’ and ‘Friends In Low Places.’ Funny, those are all the songs I like playing at the bar. Per one bartender, “Whoever plays the Eagles on a jukebox is a f***ing douchebag.” Wow, that’s a lot of shit-talk for a guy who works in service and couldn’t even make my cocktail as pink as I requested.

The Falcon’s Flight roller coaster being built at the currently-under-construction Six Flags Qiddiya in Saudi Arabia will be the world’s tallest, longest, and fastest roller coaster to date, featuring a three-minute, 2.5-mile long ride at heights up to 525-feet and speeds up to 155MPH. For reference, the current longest coaster (Steel Dragon 2000 at Japan’s Nagashima Spa Land) is 1.54-miles long, the tallest coaster (Kingda Ka at Six Flags Great Adventure) is 456-feet tall, and the current fastest (Formula Rossa at Ferrari World Abu Dhabi) reaches 149MPH. Falcon’s Flight, which will rely on magnetic motor acceleration for its speed, will also feature “a parabolic airtime hill allowing a weightlessness airtime experience.” That’s cool. Me? I’m a little too fragile for riding roller coasters these days and only make one exception — the roller coaster of love. Makes me sick to my stomach and puke every time.

Keep going for a video rendering of the ride.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees that’s impressive and all, but nothing could ever top the now-defunct Screamin’ Delta Demon bobsled ride at Opryland.

This is a video of 4-year old Swindon, England feline resident Kylo failing miserably to drink from the kitchen faucet. Per caretaker Sarah Wallis, who Kylo should clearly be thankful is caretaking:

“He insists on only drinking from the kitchen tap but hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet,” Wallis said. “Every day once he’s been fed he sits on the sink and meows at us until we turn on the water for him!”

Wallis told Storyful Kylo will often chomp on the water for a bit then let it run off his head.

When reached for comment about the video, my mom had this to say: “Awww, bless his heart,” which is the polite southern way of saying is there something wrong with your cat? There isn’t though, I assume he’s just misguided like his namesake Kylo Ren, who he does look like.

Well, the Super Bowl is Sunday, and you know what that means: I have a lot of money riding on the game. If the Panthers can’t make this one happen I’m gonna be out a LOT of money. “It’s not looking good.” Don’t say that! This is a map created using Google Trends data highlighting the food dish that garnered the most search traction for each state in the past few weeks leading up to the big game. I’m not going to lie, some of those sound pretty good. Me? I’m making a cheese plate and crab dip and rewatching The Mandalorian.

Thanks to MSA, who informed me she plans on eating her way around the entire US. Let’s rent an RV and do it!

Sorry for the short day today folks, somebody decided to crash their truck into a telephone pole by my house and knocked out the power in the neighborhood for the last five hours. Was it an energy conservationist who’s a firm believer in thinking globally and acting locally? I’m not sure. I rode my bike out there to see what was going on and thankfully he’s fine. Well, minus the tongue-lashing I gave him, which I can only assume will keep him up at night for months, possibly years. This is an unearthed interview with Jeff Bezos from 1997 discussing his founding of Amazon.com, why he started with books, and a bunch of other very insightful information. I learned a lot by watching it. But mostly that even from his very first laugh you can tell he was always destined to be an evil villain.