This is a video from the David Attenborough narrated Planet Earth II, highlighting the sword-billed hummingbird, a hummer that’s evolved a beak longer than its entire body to access nectar no other bird can. Now that is an impressive beak! Semi-related: did you know that in all the animal kingdom, barnacles have the longest penis-to-body-length ratio? Barnacle wangs can reach lengths up to 8X their bodies in order to still be able to reproduce despite being fixed to one place. That’s wild, and I suppose I have even more in common with them than I thought besides the sedentary lifestyle.

Because risking it all is the only way some people can get their kicks (I play casual video games), these are a couple videos of Joe Scandrett doing his best Super Mario end of level impression by jumping from a parking garage and smoothly sliding down a light pole. Me? Sometimes I miss friends entirely when going in for a hug, so this is not the trick for me.

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Thanks to JustA, who agrees they should ha

This is a video of theoretical physicist Michio Kaku explaining string theory in just 60 seconds, which is unfortunately still 40-50 seconds longer than most people’s attention span. Did I learn something? Yes, but am I more confused now as a result? Also yes. That’s the price you pay for knowledge — the more you know, the more you realize you don’t now. Thankfully, I know very little in general so I feel like a real genius like the rest of the idiots.

Keep going for the video, as well as one of professor Kaku explaining how black holes distort time and space in case you want the rest of your mind blown.

Back with yet another genius(?) bike hack, engineer The Q went and replaced the wheels of his bike with steel-toed metal frames that each hold 16 Adventure Time Jake The Dog slippers in place of rubber tires. The result is surprisingly impressive, provided you just have to watch and listen to somebody else on the bike and not ride it yourself the seven miles to work and back everyday. That’s what the subway is for! Plus spreading the flu to everyone.

This is a video from the town of São Lourenço do Bairro in Anadia, Portugal, featuring 600,000 gallons of red wine flowing downhill through the streets after two giant storage tanks at the Destilaria Levira winery burst open. Could you imagine if you’d been out for a leisurely stroll when this happened? Well, I guess I’m day drinking today.

Seen here looking like a man who takes brushing seriously, this is a video of Georgia dentist Val Kolpakov showing off his Guinness World Record collection of toothpastes. There’s no denying it, dude has a lot of toothpaste. Me? I just have the one crumpled tube of Crest that I’ve been squeezing the last bit out of for a week now. “There’s always more” — that’s my motto. Until there isn’t. Then it’s “No kissing before bed.”