Because why not say yes to split-ends, this is a super short video of what appears to be a British shorthair kitten dangling from its caretaker’s hair. Now I’ve heard of cats getting people’s tongues before, but never their hair. Is that good for your hair? I doubt it, but if you’re convinced it’s going to be the next beauty trend I’d recommend performing the service at home yourself because they’ll probably try to charge you $80 for it at the salon, and you don’t even know where their cats have been.

This is a video of a clever bastard using his phone camera’s panoramic mode to stretch what would have been a regular wiener into a glorious two-and-a-half-footer. Man, smother that sucker in chili and cheese and diced onion and I’d have that whole thing in my stomach faster than you can say, “Wait, don’t you already have diarehha?”

Discovered a new use for pano mode. #longhotdogchallenge 🌭🌭🌭🌭🤤 pic.twitter.com/3aCjL7RAmw

— Pablo Rochat (@PabloRochat) July 3, 2020

This is a video from Route 66 east of Albuquerque in New Mexico of a stretch of the road (aka The Singing Road) with a rumble strip that plays ‘America The Beautiful’ if you drive over it at 45MPH (the speed limit). If you drive over at 70MPH? America The Beautiful, chipmunk version. And if you drive over it at 88MPH? Just the sound of lightning crashing and the sound of Doc Brown’s voice in your head, cause you time travelin’!

This is a video of singer/songwriter Stefan Murphy performing The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air theme as ‘a tragic Irish pub ballad.’ He does a great job. Did I cry? Do all the Irish drink whiskey for breakfast? “No.” Exactly *slamming Guinness* I AIN’T NO CRYBABY.

Because some people still believe in the respectable pursuit of knowledge gained from performing well-crafted scientific experiments, this is a video of a man in a laundry basket wearing a children’s safety helmet testing the 1MPH – 9MPH speed settings on his treadmill. Honestly, I think 7MPH looked the funnest. And why did he stop wearing the safety helmet after 5MPH? That’s when you need it the most! That’s like not wearing your seatbelt on the highway because you accidentally backed into your garage door once not wearing it and didn’t die.

Things the quarantine makes you do 🤪 #theoriginal #tiktokchallenge pic.twitter.com/c363Ea4k54

— sarah fraher (@sarahjanefra) July 2, 2020

This is the Consumer Products Safety Commission’s 2020 Fireworks Safety reminder, featuring a bunch of mannequins getting injured while making incredibly poor choices with fireworks. It serves as a powerful reminder to not set off a mortar while holding it on top of your head like a deadly dunce cap, or to place your face directly over a live mortar like Luke Skywalker staring down the blade emitter of his lightsaber. Of course these are just mannequins so it’s not like your head is actually going to get blown OFF, you’re just going to be horribly disfigured for the rest of your life. Oh *lifting shirt* the stories these scars could tell. A few about incredible acts of heroism I made up, more about fireworks, but most about falling out of my bunk bed because I feel like I’m too old for a safety railing.