Competing in the 3A division of the World Yo-Yo Contest, this is a video of Hajime Miura’s winning dual yo-yo performance. And what a performance it is! If he’d performed this for a king and queen in medieval times there’s no doubt in my mind they’d kill the court jester and appoint Hajime the new court entertainer. Or, if that jester was lucky, just demoted to the guy who drinks the king’s wine before he does to make sure it isn’t poisoned.

These are a couple videos highlighting the lives of 69-year-old funeral director Hisao Mitani and his 26-year old African spurred tortoise, Bon-Chan. The two have been together since Mitani’s wife found Bon-Chan in a pet shop 26 years ago, and since the tortoise was about 10 (and a decent size), the two have gone for regular strolls together through their neighborhood in Tsukishima, Tokyo, becoming quite the local celebrities. And, now, INTERNATIONAL celebrities, because I just started a U.S. chapter of the Bon-Chan fan club. So far it’s just me and you, but you still need to Paypal me your dues.

The story of Hisao Mitani, his 26-year-old pet tortoise and their walks around Tokio's neighborhoods

[full story: https://t.co/BhmSXAD4Tp]pic.twitter.com/H1Kf0gaXdf

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) August 19, 2023

Serving as definitive proof that aliens, are, in fact, among us, this is some video of a deep sea glass squid (Taonius borealis) captured by researchers aboard the NOAA Ship Okeanos Explorer using a remotely operated vehicle near the Aleutian Islands. Just look at that thing! The way it opens and closes its mouth (or maybe that’s its butt?) and focuses its eyeballs is extra freaky, not that it wasn’t already at max levels of freaky deaky. Could you imagine running into one of these things at an alien bar? “I’d go home with it.” I know you would, but not if I smooth talk it first.

Because this is the internet and the internet will never stops internetting until I decide I’ve had enough and push the big red button (I get closer every day — recent afternoons I’ve even been lifting its clear plastic cover and caressing the button with my index finger), this is a video of Parks and Recreation’s Ron Swanson edited into Half-Life 2 by Youtuber eli_handle_b․wav, who may be a self-aware audio file. That’s not terrifying at all. *lifting button cover* “Don’t do it!” Think what a relaxing weekend it could be.

Maker of period accurate medieval weaponry (mostly swords, crossbows, and daggers), Tod of Tod’s Workshop went and constructed himself a trebuchet. And in this video he uses it to launch a packet of 100 darts (held together with a burning fuse so they disperse in the air) to see how they’ll land. That’s cool. Also cool? Tod’s weapons have been featured in The Witcher. Not this trebuchet though, this was a personal project. Me? I haven’t had any of projects featured on TV, personal or professional. I mean unless the rocket car I built counts, that did make the local news. Mostly the police chase though.

Keep going for this video (first launch is at 1:15), as well as one detailing how he built the trebuchet in case you want to lay siege to a neighbor’s castle yourself.

This is a video of musician Moyun, who never shows her face, performing Michael Jackson’s 1982 banger ‘Beat It’ on a traditional Chinese guzheng. She does a great job. Me? I never show my face either, although likely for completely different reasons. Maybe she does it for an air of mystery and intrigue. I do it because even the briefest glimpse of my gaze can turn people to penises. *shrug* I didn’t cast the spell, I’m just living with it. “So you’re telling me everyone I’ve ever met who’s a dick…” Sometimes I forget my sunglasses.