This is a news report about a bear in Earls Cove, British Columbia that, clearly inspired by Cocaine Bear, broke into a Jeep and proceeded to drink 69(!) out of the 72 sodas present there. I say drank but most likely it smashed the cans and licked up what it could. That’s going to make for a sticky seat on the morning commute! When reached for comment about the incident, the bear growled, “Take this, Goldilocks!” before shotgunning the last orange Fanta.