Because fashion knows no bounds (or decency), these are the unevenly stitched jeans created by Paris-based fashion house Leje. The Slash Jean ($417 – $441) has a single off-centered stitching diagonally across the knees, as if the jeans were slashed and sewn back together unevenly. The L Jean ($528) has multiple misaligned pant leg sections sewn together going all the way up. As much as I hate to admit it, I would buy a pair of the Slash jeans if they weren’t $400 and could, well, you know– “Accommodate your penis.” You know the last pair of pants that did– “Had to be fashioned out of a pool cover.” It was a actually two hot air balloons, but close.

Keep going for a bunch of closeups.