These are several videos of shoebill storks (obviously named because their bills look like shoes — ones you don’t want to put a foot in) bill-clattering and sounding like machine guns in the process. Man, those birds are nuts. Maybe not as crazy as my bird, but yes, I did raise a phoenix. She’s always burning up in a blazing fireball and then rising from the ashes. Who does that? SPOILER: Ashley — Ashley does that. “You named your Phoenix Ashley.” It’s perfect, I know.