This is some security cam footage from a grocery store where an old man (we’ll call him Mario Andreighty) tries to beat the closing automatic doors and ends up plowing right into one, breaking everything and dropping the door’s giant cover plate on top of him, causing him to speed off out of control. Classic old man behavior right here! Impatient, and immediately proves why he shouldn’t be allowed out of the house.

@hammelstein91 #viral #vypシ #foryou ♬ Originalton – hammelstein91

Thanks again to JustA, who wants to know just how many end-of-aisle displays the Grim Reaper here also took out on his little shopping trip.

In nowhere near it news, this is a video of two raccoons hopping up to try to reach the door latch of what appears to be a giant unadorned Hobbit-hole. Unfortunately for them, their little ineffectual jumps hardly bring them any closer to the latch than just standing there. One should have stood on the other’s shoulders two-raccoons-in-a-trenchcoat style. Still, I feel like this is a great metaphor for everything I’ve ever tired to do in life ever, and especially on a Monday.

@animalbaby7777 They both tried to open the door #raccoon #Little Raccoon#cute #animals #cuteanimals #zoo #fy #funny ♬ New Soul – Yael Naïm

Thanks to JustA, who confirmed this is what she looks like trying to reach a cooking pot on the top shelf in the kitchen and I have to help her.

Because some people firmly believe that taunting death is the only way to avoid it, this is a video of Joe Sherman racing his namesake Veteran Sherman Max against a 75MPH train to see how long he can stay ahead of it from a stop. There’s also a vide of him cruising around town at speeds that pass cars on the road. The Veteran Sherman Max is an electric unicycle powered by a 2,800 watt motor, capable of pushing over 45MPH. Just to be clear, that’s entirely too fast to be riding on an electric unicycle. Or any unicycle. One wheel just wasn’t made for those speeds. I wasn’t either, and would have made a great turtle.

This is a short video from Youtuber Rescue & Restore, demonstrating the functionality of a 19th century candle snuffer, a device that automatically extinguishes a candle after it’s burned down to a certain point. Pretty clever. And here I thought the only way to extinguish candles was to wait for the fire department to show up after they’ve started a proper house fire. Were were these at my last place and the one before that?

This is Noam Oxman’s ‘Sympawny no.4 (Chubby Cat)’, a piece of sheet music dedicated to the memory of his pet, Chubby Cat. The symphony, arranged for ten different instruments and in the shape of a sleeping Chubby Cat, is truly is a delight to listen to. In Noam’s own words: “Chubby Cat was sweet and playful and the perfect cuddle buddy. With a sprinkle of playful piccolo, a touch of warm strings, and a sweet harmony progression – hopefully, the music sounds just a little bit like him. Rest in peace sweet Chubby Cat.” Wow, did anybody else just get allergic to cats all of a sudden? Because my eyes are WATERY. We should probably all take some Benadryl and the rest of the day off.

This is a video from WIRED highlighting the life and skills of Josh Jacobs, a man who’s taken Slinky manipulation to the next level. Some of the tricks he’s able to perform with a Slinky are most impressive. Me? I have no interest in manipulating Slinkys, only friends and coworkers. “It’s borderline sociopathic.” Honey! “Thank God he isn’t half as smart or slick as he thinks he is.” I’M RIGHT HERE.