Note: Some appropriately colorful language from the people filming.

This is a video of a pilot ejecting from an F-35B Lightning II fighter jet at the Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base Fort Worth in Texas after a failed attempted at a vertical landing. Thankfully, the pilot is fine, but the plane? I suspect that’s not just gonna buff out. And those jets are like $80+ million apiece. “Chump change.” Uncle Sam, everyone! He also thinks milk costs $8,000 a gallon.

This is an animated bar graph visualizing the world’s fifteen richest people (royalty excluded) from 1985 – 2023, with their associated companies also highlighted. I learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that even the poorest of these people is entirely too rich. I don’t even have any money and I still give it all away. Does that mean I’d make a great rich person? Yes, and I’d really like the opportunity to prove it. Unfortunately, rigging Powerball is proving a little more difficult than I originally anticipated.

Available as a 3D printable file from JBV Creative, this sine wave machine features marbles that roll in a sine wave as the machine is cranked. Hate cranking? Get creative and add a motor. Or a car engine! JBV also sells the file for a wave machine that’s only 8 or 16 horseshoes long, in the event your desk is actually a card table. Is this going to be the must-have desk toy for executives everywhere? It may be briefly, but nothing will ever top a Newton’s Cradle. Or, in my case, the plasma globe I bought at a Spencer’s in high school.

In what happens under the porch, stays under the porch news, this is some home security cam footage of a threesome headed out for some quality time in the hot tub when the two dudes both slip down the stairs, one right after the other. I imagine there will definitely be some massaging going on in that hot tub shortly. Also, somebody’s bro trap is clearly working.

Because it seems appropriate for the US Army Band to cover a medley of songs from a band with Fighter in its name, this is a video of the band covering a number of tunes from Foo Fighters. They do a fantastic job. Possibly even better than I sing ‘Learn To Fly’ in the shower at night. Of course they don’t cry as much in their version, or spend nearly as much time trying to hang a soap-on-a-rope from their wiener, so maybe mine really is better after all.

Because dream it, and with enough Youtube followers you can actually make enough money to fund and build it, this is a video of the guys at Hacksmith building a massive walking spider mecha from six excavators over the course of a year. Sure it only has six legs instead of eight, but I’ve seen plenty of six legged spiders before. They’re usually older and have been through some stuff. The video ends with this spider losing yet ANOTHER leg though and bending its frame, rendering it inoperable — an unfortunately turn of events considering how much time and effort went into building it. Per Clark Griswold’s mother-in-law in Christmas Vacation, “I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.” I’m kidding, it was pretty cool while it briefly lasted.