Because what could possibly go wrong (or right) with reconnecting with an old flame over a bunch of shots, this is a video of three couples of former high school sweethearts playing truth or drink. It has it all: love, betrayal, disgusting spit cups. The entire thing was very awkward to watch, which brought me great joy. Questions include why did we break up, are we still attracted to each other, what would have happened, and a variety of sexual things which I muted because my mind is as pure as a mountain river just downstream from a Bigfoot turd mining operation.

Created by the zombie apocalypse survival experts at lawncare service provider LawnLove (wait, what?), this is a US map detailing what they believe to be the best and worst cities in the US for surviving a zombie apocalypse. Zombies: they don’t f*** with Texas. Also a lot of the best and worst cities look alarmingly close to each other. Questionable metrics aside, the bigger question is whether you’d even want to survive a zombie apocalypse in the first place. Because based on all the shows and movies I’ve seen it does not look like a good time. Way too much time and energy spent not dying just to eat rats and squirrels.

This is a video of a man who was pulled over in Norfolk, Nebraska, with a Watusi bull named Howdy Doody riding shotgun in a former police-use Crown Victoria, which had been modified to accommodate the beast for Nebraska’s BIG RODEO Parade, where it was awarded best car entry and a ton of actual bullsh!t on the rear door and window. I especially like how the custom license plate is BOY & DOG, like this guy bought the bull from a shifty man in a trench coat who swore it was a Great Dane.

This is a video captured by 13-year old Joseph Faneite-Diglio after a 3-legged bear (affectionately known in the Orlando suburb of Lake Mary as Tripod) broke into his family’s home to raid the mini-fridge on the patio. Man, I wish I had neighbors who left free beer in their patio fridges. Tripod drank 3 White Claws (appropriate because he’s a bear, also: one for each leg) before letting himself out, presumably to go find a pool to pass out in. Honestly, I’m just happy to see somebody is out there living the dream, even if it is a 3-legged bear in Florida.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.

Because who doesn’t love an old fashioned recipe, this is a video of Max Miller of Tasting History brewing and trying switchel, a 19th century (that’s the 1800’s for everyone who failed history class as hard as I did) beverage made with water, apple cider vinegar, molasses and powdered ginger that was popular with farmers. Mmmm, old Gatorade. Not to brag or anything, but I drank a Gatorade left by the previous tenants of a house I moved into that dated all the way back to 1996. It was good. It may have been best by 1996, but it was still totally fine in 2021. Just to be clear, that is not a game I play with cottage cheese. Six weeks past its best-by date and I’m trashing it.

Because who doesn’t like to close their eyes and imagine they live in an alternate reality where 80’s music was popular in the middle ages, this is a medley of 22 different 1980’s jams performed in a 1380’s bardcore style by a computer. Time stamps in case you’re looking for a particular jam to play while laying siege to an enemy’s castle:

0:00 Don’t Stop Believin’
4:16 Take On Me
8:13 Running Up That Hill
12:50 Every Breath You Take
16:09 Your Love
19:22 Time After Time
23:22 Never Gonna Give You Up
27:20 Careless Whisper
32:23 Livin’ On A Prayer
36:23 Smooth Criminal
39:55 Billie Jean
44:39 Total Eclipse Of The Heart
49:16 Girls Just Want To Have Fun
52:39 Everybody Wants To Rule The World
56:53 Sweet Child O’ Mine
1:02:36 Africa
1:07:36 Come On Eileen
1:12:10 The Final Countdown
1:17:21 Down Under
1:20:57 Eye Of The Tiger
1:24:56 Free Fallin’
1:29:53 Tainted Love

Which was your favorite? Mine was ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’, but that’s because I actually do live on a prayer. I’m kidding, I live in a worn out La-Z-Boy, and I’ve never once in my life prayed for chronic back pain. Well, not for myself, anyways.