This is all Goldilocks's fault.
3-Legged Bear Breaks Into Home’s Mini-Fridge, Drinks 3 White Claws

This is a video captured by 13-year old Joseph Faneite-Diglio after a 3-legged bear (affectionately known in the Orlando suburb of Lake Mary as Tripod) broke into his family’s home to raid the mini-fridge on the patio. Man, I wish I had neighbors who left free beer in their patio fridges. Tripod drank 3 White Claws (appropriate because he’s a bear, also: one for each leg) before letting himself out, presumably to go find a pool to pass out in. Honestly, I’m just happy to see somebody is out there living the dream, even if it is a 3-legged bear in Florida.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.