Wait -- did he name all of them?
Future Me: Man Passing Out Hot Dogs To The 25 Raccoons On His Back Porch

Living the dream: it’s nice to know some people are out there actually doing it. Enter James Blackwood, a retired Canadian police officer who has taken to feeding the as many as thirty raccoons that show up on his back porch nightly because he tosses out grapes and cookies and cat food and whole hot dogs like a modern Saint Francis. (“They’re getting whole hot dogs. There’s no halves. Ha! There’s no halves.”) He kinda reminds me of Bubbles and all his cats from Trailer Park Boys. Man…to be a raccoon in James’s neighborhood, am I right? Not only is HE living the dream, but THEY’RE living the dream. It’s nice when your dream and somebody else’s aren’t mutually exclusive, you know? Like my girlfriend dreams of living near her family, but I dream of living somewhere tropical and none of her family lives in the Caribbean. I mean *quietly packing carry-on, double-checks for passport* what are you supposed to do?