These are several videos from America’s first Official CarJitsu Championship, in which two combatants grapple jujitsu style, but inside a vehicle, utilizing the seat belts and anything else available to them to get their opponent to tap out. Opponents start buckled in, and when the bell sounds immediately remove their belts and start going at it. Some more info about the sport while I fondly remember the first time my brother tried to smash my head with a car armrest.

The game started in Russia but has since made its way to the United States in the form of championships.

Vik Mikheev, who holds a PhD in mathematics and black belts in both Brazilian jiu-jitsu and judo, created the sport in 2020 with his friends.

“In 2020, I came up with the idea of doing competitive grappling in vehicles. Since October of 2020, I and my friends run small tournaments of Car Jitsu to study the aspects of jiu-jitsu application in such a confined space.”

But are competitions always held in the same model car? Because I’d utilize entirely different strategies in a Mini versus a Suburban. Also, I know you can use the seatbelts to choke your opponent, but are you really allowed to use EVERYTHING in the car? Because this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve stabbed somebody with the metal prongs from a headrest.

This is a video of a married couple showing the results of attempting to paint each other’s portrait. The woman did a fair enough job of capturing her husband’s likeness, but his looks like somebody tried painting a yeti they saw while tripping on mushrooms. I imagine if I’d attempted the same artistic exercise with my girlfriend I’d be sleeping in my car tonight. “IS THIS HOW YOU SEE ME?! YOU THINK I’M A TROLL?! OH, LET ME JUST GO FIND A BRIDGE TO CLIMB UNDER SO I CAN DEMAND COINS FROM PEASANTS WHO WANT TO CROSS.” She’s…dramatic.

This trend is going to end in divorce but this couple seems to have what it takes to survive her husband's atrocious lack of artistic talent.
This is adorable pic.twitter.com/DxZCmkMHU3

— Clint Russell (@LibertyLockPod) April 6, 2024

This is a clip of a real life roadrunner vocalizing. Shockingly, it does not make the ‘Meep meep!’ we’ve all come to expect from watching cartoons. It’s more of a really quick clicking. Great, now what else have cartoons been lying to us about?! Next thing you know we’ll find out Captain Planet isn’t actually blue in real life.

@hospicelens Short, fast and furry-ous⚡️ #california #roadrunner #wileecoyote #childhood #cartoon #fyp #knoxmobile #hospice #wish #beepbeep ♬ original sound – Hospice Lens

This is a video of Norwegian musician Ramblin’ Rogers (I didn’t know Norwegians rambled at all) playing a country cover of ‘Mad About Mad About Me’ (aka ‘The Cantina Song’), made intergalactically famous by Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes in the original Star Wars movie. He doesn’t really change the song much, just the instrumentation, playing a banjo, lap steel guitar, slide guitar, acoustic guitar, bass, and drums instead of a gasan string drum, Dorenian beshniquel, fanfar, ommni box, bandfill, and kloo horn. You can tell I really did my Google research for this one. In Rogers’ own ramblin’:

Star Wars goes country and western. I needed to be a little silly. I hope someone gets a giggle out of it – We need more silly AND more giggling. Well, gotta mosey!

Well he’s certainly right about that — we DO need more silly and giggling in the world. Just, you know, not at my penis. Anybody else’s is still fair game though.

This is a video of jump roper Cen Xiaolin setting a new world speed record with an astonishing 228 jumps (technically alternate leg skips) in 30 seconds. That’s 7.6 jumps PER SECOND. Cen has been at it the speed jumping for awhile, and his record 8 years ago was only 108 jumps, so he’s more than doubled it in that time. How far can he go? My guess is ALL THE WAY. I don’t even know what that means, but I believe in him. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say I could never move that fast even if I was on fire, which I often am.

Keep going for the new record, as well as Cen’s previous record from 2016 for reference.

This is a video from Kuwait of a driver barrel rolling a Toyota FJ Cruiser on the beach and getting launched out the door into the water like the vehicle was equipped with ejector seats. Damn! He’s lucky to have limped away from that. Also, did he mean for that to happen? It almost seems too perfect. Maybe this was a cry for help. Or maybe it was just an idiot doing dumb sh1t in a vehicle like happens a million times a day all over the world. Speaking of — you think I can drift into that parking space? “That’s a cart return.” Here goes nothing!