Locked and loaded, Santa, let's do this thing!
Real Products That Exist: Tactical Christmas Stockings

Because there’s no better way to let the loved ones on your shopping list know they’re getting guns for Christmas this year, these are the tactical Christmas stockings from Garud. The $15 stockings are available on Amazon, come in eight different colors and patterns (including pink camo and a bone shaped version for your tactical dog), are large enough to fit a handgun in its main compartment (see photo below), and feature a variety of webbings, hooks and zippered pouches for filling with ammo, knives, waterproof matches, and airplane bottles of whiskey for all the outdoor survivalists in your family. Just don’t accidentally shoot Santa. I mean at least not until after he’s visited my house. Don’t feel like doing the whole Santa thing this Christmas? Just tell your kids he’s a potential coronavirus superspreader and was banned from visiting any children this year.