This is a video of (I assume former) acrobatic paraglider Kevin Philipp, who was doing some loopty loops and swirly birdies above Spain when he got completely tangled up in his lines (allegedly due to turbulence), sending him plummeting towards earth. After initially failing to deploy his emergency chute, he manages to rip it open mere moments before what would have surely been an unpleasant impact. So, if you were wondering what almost dying looks like, this is it. Me? I can’t be killed because– “Just stop it, you’re not an undead warlock.” No, I was going to say because God wants me alive to suffer more. “Oh.” That’s why he MADE ME an undead warlock.

This is a video of a group of beachgoers battling strong winds while a man tries his damndest to hold on to a paddleboard. Unfortunately for him, his damndest isn’t good enough, and the wind rips the board from his hands and blows it away, presumably to Oz, where it took out a wicked witch and almost half the Lollipop Guild.

Seen here doing its best Solid Snake impression from Metal Gear Solid, this is a video of a puppy running around in circles after overturning its toy bin on itself. At first I thought it was just a really shitty Roomba. It’s not though, it’s a dog under a toy bin. I know because I zoomed and enhanced the footage CSI style. The team should really buy me a beer after cracking this case.

In other rare under the sea news, this is some footage of an elusive box jellyfish (Chirodectes maculatus), a species that has only been recorded once previously. Now I know what you’re thinking, and I 100% agree — it looks like somebody doodled all over it with a Sharpie. And look at all those appendages! Jeez, save some tentacles for the rest of my nightmares. The animal was spotted in the waters off New Zealand, and, according to the diver who filmed it, moves surprisingly fast (of course it does, it has four afterburners) and “is a bit bigger than a soccer ball.” That makes it the perfect size to fit over a person’s head, just to be clear.

This is a video documenting the rarely heard sounds of a mangrove whipray and cowtail stingray in the wild. I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t know stingrays even made sounds. They’re sort of clicks. I wonder what they’re saying. Because at least in my mind they’re apologizing for the death of Steve Irwin. “It was scared and just reacted,” I imagine them clicking remorsefully, “It was an accident.” Rest in peace, you legend.

Hot off the press from NASA come these incredible images of the Cartwheel Galaxy, an absolute stunner of a galaxy some 500 million light years from earth. I remember the last time I attempted a cartwheel my shirt rode up and everyone laughed at my belly. Not cool. The galaxy features a massive black hole at its center, sucking in all that delicious starstuff. Yum! Could you imagine eating stars? And you thought that pizza f***ed the roof of your mouth up!

Keep going for a shot of the galaxy captured only by the MIRI (Mid Infra-Red Instrument), with less pretty colors.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees we should send someone there. Actually, a lot of people. Right into that black hole.