Alternatively: gasoline and a match.
Skating Rink Carpet Gets Professionally Cleaned For First Time In 12 Years

This is a disgustingly satisfying video of Ethan from Advanced Cleaning Solutions professionally cleaning a skating rink’s carpet after 12 years of neglect. I’m surprised it was even salvageable, but I can only assume that carpet cleaning solution Ethan uses is at least 2 parts magic. The whole job cost $1,722.85, which sounds like a bargain to me. You know I still remember the skating rink my daycare used to take me to as a kid. The floor was at least this gnarly, and my friend Eric bet me fifty cents I wouldn’t eat a piece of candy off of it. And that *pressing nurse call button* is how I became patient zero for the Roller Time Virus.

Keep going for the video, including a delicious look at the dirty water being dumped at 18:30.