Jonathan the tortoise, who’s lived at the governor’s residence on St. Helena (1,200 miles off the southwestern coast of Africa in the middle of vast ocean) since 1882, just celebrated what is believed to be his 190th birthday — although he could be even older. Honestly, he doesn’t look a day over 140 to me. His estimated age is based on records indicating he was fully mature when he was gifted to the St. Helena governor in 1882, and, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but tortoises take quite some time to mature. Me? I may never reach maturity. Young at heart — that’s what I say. Young at brain — that’s what everyone else says.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees Jonathan is a great name for a son or tortoise.

Because you have to go big if you want Santa to notice your house from the sky, Youtuber Yard Truck built this floating truck Christmas lights display, complete with the Grinch’s Chevy S-10 being pulled by a reindeer atop a John Deere. The truck rocks from side to side too thanks to a repurposed banding machine. At night both vehicles appear to be floating. During the day both appear are held up by a Mickey Moused assortment of scrap metal and tetanus, and I did not ask for lockjaw this Christmas.

This is a video of composer Lalo Schifrin performing the Mission Impossible theme on five-string banjo, giving it a real bluegrass feel. The sort of theme you’d expect to hear if Ethan Hunt wore overalls and chewed tobacco, and his impossible mission was preventing the authorities from discovering his moonshine still in the woods. Shoot, I’d pay to see that.

Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. Trust me, I did a lot of experimenting as a kid. And now Colin Furze has gone and transformed himself into a real-life Weeble using a piece of semi-spherical molded concrete and a harness to attach himself to it. That looks like fun. At least five minutes worth, which is five minutes more than I’ve had in the last two years, so I’ll take it. Strap me in, push me off a boat!

Keep going for the video, the really good stuff starts around 11:20.

Because the whole world is a lot of ground to cover in one night, this is a video of Santa’s little helper Robert ‘Crazy Rocketman’ Maddox (previously) demonstrating a new rocket-powered sleigh he designed for the jolly gift-bringer. So, if you were wondering why Santa doesn’t come this year, it’s probably because he crashed his rocket sleigh into the side of a cliff Wile E. Coyote style. Or, even more likely, you were horrible this year just like you were last year. Don’t feel too bad about it though, Santa hasn’t bothered visiting my house since I was old enough to think.

This is a video of Instagram user its.PilotJohn performing a nosedive to allegedly wake up his female passenger with a little weightlessness. It’s true, I’ve found nothing wakes you up in a hurry quite like thinking you’re about to die. Was she actually asleep though? That’s debatable. A debate you would probably lose if you were arguing this wasn’t staged, or didn’t bring a lead pipe to the debate to intimate the other team (my debate team went undefeated in high school).

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