Music: like a microwave or successful relationship, I don’t understand how it works. Obviously, when God was handing out musical understanding and skill I must have snuck back into the penis line wearing an eye patch. This is a video of Neil Diamond’s 1969 classic ‘Sweet Caroline’ in a minor key as edited by Oleg Berg (previously: the Village People’s ‘YMCA’). It does not make Caroline sound so sweet, it makes her sound like she’s going to drug you and steal a kidney. Or, as a Youtuber pointed out, a Bond villain. One that James will still have sex with first because that’s just the way he rolls. Now take me for a ride in that Aston Martin of yours, I want to ride the ejector seat into some power lines.

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