Because fashion died long before my childhood guinea pig, these are the very unfortunate Double Waists Cut-out Jeans created by designers Wang Wei and Tim Shi for MARRKNULL that feature one waistband at the hips and another at the ankles that limits movement so you walk like a penguin. Plus you can’t accidentally put your pants on upside down! It’s genius. And by genius I mean where the hell are those nuke codes, it’s time to mash some big red buttons.

Keep going for one more shot.