These are a few shots of the aftermath of student Donna Porée returning to her near-university apartment after quarantining with her husband for three months. As you can see, the bag of potatoes she forgot about decided to try to claim the place, squatter’s rights style, even powering their way through the shelving joints. You know, potatoes have eyes, which is exactly why you should never– “Bend over naked in the kitchen.” Okay I was going to say unlock your phone where they can see it, but your dinner parties sound wild. Those potato tentacles though — freaky deaky. And, in the famous words of Jurassic Park’s Dr. Ian Malcolm– “That is one big pile of shit.” Okay this time I was looking for ‘Life, uh, finds a way.’ Wow, zero for two today, you know maybe you should just sit out the rest of the game, have some orange slices.

Thanks to my buddy Closet Nerd, who agrees you should never tell secrets in the kitchen either because the corn have ears.